The new year is always ripe with resolutions. Talk of changes we will undertake to make our lives better. I gave up making resolutions years ago. Basically history and experience have shown that I suck at sticking with them.
This year started off the same way. I made no resolutions. That was until I came across this new word and its definition: unfuckwithable.
I love the word ‘fuck’. It is the most versatile word in the English language. This new word and definition encapsulates everything I want to be.
I am tired of living the way I do. I have made so many changes over the years. Many of these changes have led to improvement in my quality of life. I take my meds regularly now, never missing a day. I exercise almost everyday. It rare that I ever miss a day, even if we are away from home for whatever reason. I get adequate sleep. I have started taking some supplements that have improved the efficacy of my meds, magnesium, fish oil, apple cider vinegar, specifically. The list goes on. The point is that while these things have all helped I still struggle to get through many days.
I take Effexor xr as part of my treatment plan but the side effects are ridiculous. There is blurry vision, weight gain, brain zaps, dizziness, lethargy, losing train of thought, vivid dreams, restless sleep, inability to focus, and on and on and on. If you take this drug you know what I am talking about. If you don’t, DON’T ever start, it is pure poison; I could write a dissertation. I often wonder if the side effects are worse than the benefits, actually I don’t wonder anymore, the side effects are far worse.
So, how does this relate to me becoming ‘unfuckwithable’ in the new year. While the steps I have taken are helping there has to be more. The Effexor is supposed to help with my depression but the side effects are worse. My brain is always in turmoil. It feels like my mind is betraying me. The resounding gong and clanging cymbal that Paul refers to in I Corinthians has taken up permanent residence in my head. It is robbing me of a full life. If I am honest it is robbing me of any life. I am exhausted most days from just trying to keep the train on the rails. I am not complaining because things have improved so much but I am not giving up yet.
Step 1 is to continue with my current treatment plan.
Step 2 started today. I am going to stary take CBD oil. The hope is that the oil will abate some of the symptoms I am still struggling with. I started taking it today. So far so good. I took it at 11:22am and it is 1:12pm right now. The blurry vision I have constantly is better. Not perfect but better. I feel less tension. There is a noticeable lack of tension in my shoulders, neck, and forehead. It seems that what is happening is not necessarily an improvement in how I am feeling but what I am not feeling.
Of course the jury is still out and I am going to reserve judgement but there are some encouraging signs.
I think I am going to do some regular follow ups. It will help me keep an objective view and hopefully it will add insight to others looking for something better.
Here’s to hoping for hope to become ‘unfuckwithable’.
As a footnote, I have been researching CBD for more than 6 months and cleared the use with my provider.